Looking Outside One's Self.

Part of growing up is learning to not be self centered.  It is an often forgotten part these days, but it is very important.

Any 12 step group will tell you that believing in a power outside yourself is helpful in your recovery.  In a time when people tend to drift more towards Atheism this can be a very difficult step.  However it is important to note that these programs do not in general endorse any particular religion.  Different group meetings may focus more on a particular Religion, but that is not the intent of the organization in general.  It is actually meant to encourage you to grow empathy, which can be damaged through addiction, and to begin to understand that there are things outside of your own control and things within your control so that you can begin to know the difference.

One way to look outside your self is through charity work.  Seeing someone less fortunate than yourself leads to feelings of gratitude for what you have.  It can also lead to having a greater self esteem because you have been helpful to another person.

That being said, it pays to do one's homework regarding the charity of choice.  There are a lot of them out there that seem to be just a way for some ass to make a lot of money for their own bank account.  So do a little googling, roll up your sleeves and put yourself out there.  You'll feed good about it later.  I promise.

Cooking is Sexy

In this day and age there are people who will tell you that knowing how to cook is not important, I am here to tell you that those people are wrong.  Horribly and frighteningly wrong.

Going out is easy and so are pre-packaged meals, but they are really bad for you.  One has to learn the value of taking the time and effort to prepare food.  In the beginning you may not like it, but you are worth pushing past that.

In addition to eating higher quality food knowing how to cook gives you a marketable skill.  Not just for the job market, but in acquiring partners as well.  Do not assume I am spouting some outdated sexist crap here, a guy or girl who can cook is sexy.  Not only does your mate not have to do this chore ALL the time, but having a useful skill gives you confidence.

Not to mention that cooking together is a fantastic bonding experience.  Date Night In Anyone?

Living Within YOUR Means

"There is a saying in Tibetan that “at the door of the miserable rich man sleeps the contented beggar.” The point of this saying is not that poverty is a virtue, but that happiness does not come from wealth, but from setting limits to one’s desires, and living within those limits with satisfaction."  Dalai Lama


There is certainly no shortage of people trying to keep up with the Jones' or even just the Jones' children... The end result seems to be people who are bitter about their lot in life.  They think that things should be handed to them.  The disturbing trend seems to be that just because so and so has this then I should have it also.  Never mind how so and so got it.  This is not healthy.

I have known many people like this.  If I am perfectly honest I have fallen into this trap a few times in my life as well.  It does not bode well.  It makes a person unhappy with what they do have, ungrateful.  What I learned from it is this, your situation will not change unless you make a change.  It is useless to expect Prince Charming or Uncle Sam to dig you out of your pit.  Whether you are in that pit through your own actions or someone else did it to you, it does not matter.  The person responsible for getting you out of it is you.

We are all dealt a hand in life, some of us get a better hand.  To those of us who seem to have a shoddy one it can seem terribly unfair.  Crying over it will not get you a better hand.  It also does not mean you are out of the game.  It just means that you have to be smarter about how you play your cards.

Things like not spending your rent money on concert tickets.  Or not putting yourself into debt with credit cards to go shopping with your friend who has rich parents... or "patrons".  It also means not buying a gigantic house when your paycheck will not cover it even by the time your die, never mind retiring.

Being honest with one's self may not be fun, but it is an integral part of being a "Real Grown Up".  Just like being financially responsible.

A Day Without Laughter...

A day without laughter is a day wasted.


Charlie Chaplin


Charlie may have been quite the perv, but he had a point.  Laughing is important.  It releases endorphins, it is relaxing and it can change your whole outlook on life.  At least for a little while.  I suspect that part of people's resistance to really growing up is that they just assume it is supposed to be no fun.


Of course there are times when being a "Real Grown Up" is not roses and candy.  However that does not mean that we should cast aside everything we find interesting or amusing.  Laughter and joy are important parts of the human existence.  If we do not continue to experience these things then not only will be be bitter and old before our time, but how will the children learn to take joy in things?


So today, cut yourself some slack.  Watch some Three (4) Stooges, quote some Monty Python and don't be afraid to have a chuckle.  Just be aware that "Hey, watch this..." is not for the feint of heart, and it can lead to hospital bills...

The difference between Old and Wise

I am feeling very philosophical this week.  These things do happen, some days it seems that I cannot seem to get out of my own head.  It is possible that this is a survival mechanism.  This week my thoughts are focused on what makes a person an adult.  Legally one receives some adult privileges at eighteen, right to vote or marry or die for one's country.  We cannot drink until we are twenty one.  This makes very little sense to me, and I am well past that age marker but almost never drink anyway.

I do not believe that chronological age has all that much to do with being a grown up even though that is the legal marker in most cases.  (Naturally you can be declared an adult despite age for certain reasons, one of which is being so incredibly bad that childhood punishments will not do.)   I have known an astounding number of people who are legally adults yet act very childish.  I have known "children" who are very mature, many to the point of taking care of their parents.


This is the reason I am starting this blog, to sort of work out the difference between being old and being wise.  I'd like to know before I hit "old".