Looking Outside One's Self.

Part of growing up is learning to not be self centered.  It is an often forgotten part these days, but it is very important.

Any 12 step group will tell you that believing in a power outside yourself is helpful in your recovery.  In a time when people tend to drift more towards Atheism this can be a very difficult step.  However it is important to note that these programs do not in general endorse any particular religion.  Different group meetings may focus more on a particular Religion, but that is not the intent of the organization in general.  It is actually meant to encourage you to grow empathy, which can be damaged through addiction, and to begin to understand that there are things outside of your own control and things within your control so that you can begin to know the difference.

One way to look outside your self is through charity work.  Seeing someone less fortunate than yourself leads to feelings of gratitude for what you have.  It can also lead to having a greater self esteem because you have been helpful to another person.

That being said, it pays to do one's homework regarding the charity of choice.  There are a lot of them out there that seem to be just a way for some ass to make a lot of money for their own bank account.  So do a little googling, roll up your sleeves and put yourself out there.  You'll feed good about it later.  I promise.

Living Within YOUR Means

"There is a saying in Tibetan that “at the door of the miserable rich man sleeps the contented beggar.” The point of this saying is not that poverty is a virtue, but that happiness does not come from wealth, but from setting limits to one’s desires, and living within those limits with satisfaction."  Dalai Lama


There is certainly no shortage of people trying to keep up with the Jones' or even just the Jones' children... The end result seems to be people who are bitter about their lot in life.  They think that things should be handed to them.  The disturbing trend seems to be that just because so and so has this then I should have it also.  Never mind how so and so got it.  This is not healthy.

I have known many people like this.  If I am perfectly honest I have fallen into this trap a few times in my life as well.  It does not bode well.  It makes a person unhappy with what they do have, ungrateful.  What I learned from it is this, your situation will not change unless you make a change.  It is useless to expect Prince Charming or Uncle Sam to dig you out of your pit.  Whether you are in that pit through your own actions or someone else did it to you, it does not matter.  The person responsible for getting you out of it is you.

We are all dealt a hand in life, some of us get a better hand.  To those of us who seem to have a shoddy one it can seem terribly unfair.  Crying over it will not get you a better hand.  It also does not mean you are out of the game.  It just means that you have to be smarter about how you play your cards.

Things like not spending your rent money on concert tickets.  Or not putting yourself into debt with credit cards to go shopping with your friend who has rich parents... or "patrons".  It also means not buying a gigantic house when your paycheck will not cover it even by the time your die, never mind retiring.

Being honest with one's self may not be fun, but it is an integral part of being a "Real Grown Up".  Just like being financially responsible.